T's Spot

Oops I Did It Again

Corie rolled over onto her back, with narrowed eyes, pursed lips, and a slight grimace, ‘OH God, what did I do last night!?’

Her 5’0 frame lay spread eagle on the King-sized bed, she looked down and wiggled her pearl white toes as she stretched with a huge yawn. The sheets entangled around her petite waist and her thin white spaghetti strap tank laying haphazardly against the curve of her collar bone were the only indicators of something amiss. Laying in the bed amongst her many fluffy pillows, she looked up forlornly at the ceiling where the early morning light did not irritate her light brown eyes.

The clock read 6:45 am, and the sun was just rising, bathing the room in an amber glow that luminated her brown skin with a golden hue. The bed’s sheets were cobalt blue, underlaying a pure white fleece spread that lay crumpled at the foot of the bed.

Corie continued to stare up at the ceiling as the rising sun’s heat warmed her bare arms and exposed midriff peeking from under her tiny tank top, bared above the satin sheets rumpled across her lower half.

As she acclimated to the brightening of her room, there was clattering coming from her bathroom. The clattering of cabinets, the popping of tops, and the whooshing of a faucet created a cacophony of noise the disturbed the peace of the morning.

Following the sound of water being turned off, heavy steps slowly worked toward her bungalow. She closed her eyes, sighed, and said a small prayer. “I REALLY hope this one has two working legs”

She slowly turned to her left away from her bedroom window and opened her almond shaped eyes. “OOOHHH No! Why him!?”

While she panicked internally, ‘this one’ was looking down at her with a softly curled smile that showed just a hint of pearly white teeth. A low chuckle that settled into her like hot coffee in her belly came from those lips. He was none other than Tawny’s cousin – Patience. Patience, sweet Patience. He was a man who lived up to his name yet defied it all at once. He was all of 6’2, and nothing but pure bronze muscle. He carried himself with a bearing befitting his name and had a string of hungry women behind him.

He never raised his hand, nor his voice, and was always just as patient as his name suggests. He was what one would call, ‘a catch’. Unfortunately, he was anything but a catch to the women currently staring up at him in silent horror.

‘This is bad. I cannot believe what I have just done! How could I be so stupid! This has got to be the dumbest thing I have done yet!! ‘

‘Tawn is going to KILL me! I cannot be this much of a cliché’!

Girl falls in love and in bed with best friend’s brother…in this case, cousin. Still. The same rules apply. He is OFF LIMITS and was not even supposed to be here last night. ‘

Corie swept petite hands down her face, attempting to subtly prepare herself for what is about to come. She slightly blushed under her brown skin and shook her head in horror. ‘I can’t believe I did it again. ‘

Change is The Only Constant

2015: I learned that change will come

2016: I learned that all things,people,and places die in some way

2017: I learned that goal setting is important

2018: I learned that working toward your goals is hard

2019: I learned that even the most well put together plans fall apart and there is nothing you can do about it

2020: I learned that you adapt to change, even if it hurts and even if it’s frustrating

2021: life is a continual work in progress

All of these lessons have culminates into what I knew, but did not truly understand until now.

‘Change is the only constant’

When life gives you lemons, you scrunch up your face, swallow the bitter and put a little sugar on your tongue to chase the bitterness away. I always thought that all things work for my good, but the drastic changes and curveballs have definitely rocked my boat. I do my best to weather the storm and ride the waves with as much grace as I can muster. I pray that we all find a calm wave in the midst of such turbulent storms.

Throughout this time, I have learned a little something. Use the lemons, though bitter they may be, to cleanse yourself of old things and start anew.

Best in Love,

The Day I Became an Adult

When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a {Wo}man, I put the ways of childhood behind me

1 Corinthians 13:11

The day I became an adult was not a special day. It was not even a particularly beautiful day.

I did not become an adult because I turned a certain age, or got a certain job, or even birthed a certain pint sized present.

The day I became an adult was the day that I decided that life would no longer be lived from the outside of me. It would be lived through action. Action as the manifestation of dreams through God’s special gift of life- so it will not be wasted.

Life is not to be wasted focusing on lost opportunities, lost dreams, lost loves and lost innocence. Life is to be lived through work of our hands, the salt of our tears, and the pain of our broken hearts because the life itself is a gift that is to be used for the betterment of the spirit of oneself and others.

The day I became an adult, I put childish ways behind me. I no longer cried when I didn’t get my way, or pout when the game wasn’t fair.

I decided to fight.

I decided to fight for the gift that was given to me despite my not asking for it. I decided to leave ways of the unloved, the broken , and the despairing behind me. Pity has no place in my present. I have decided that my presence is a present to those around me because I will make it so.

To be an adult is to make hard decisions. Decisions that hurt us, decisions that hurt others, and decisions that are costly. Yet, to be an adult is to also be a guide, a beacon, a protector of those who cannot as easily do for themselves. In having to make those decisions and live with them, I have learned that they do not define me. I define me, and to allow anything less than that is a disservice to myself, my creator and my ancestors who decided to fight their way through adulthood as well.

I leave you all with this. When was the day you became an adult? How do you define adulthood?

Best in Love.

When the Pain is TOO much.

“I can do all this through him who gives me strength.”

Philippians 4:13

When the pain is too much, it is ok to cry. Sometimes your frustrations get the best of you. That is ok too. Sometimes life gets to be too much no matter what stage you are in. It is ok to feel overwhelmed.

Today has been one of those days for me. Frustration from the day and previous days boil over into a river of tears that flow down my face as I decompress from it all. As I cry, I look up and I wonder what tomorrow will look like? Will it be good? Will it be bad? Will it be just as stressful as today? I do not know. However, what I do know is tomorrow will come no matter what I do, and I have two choices. Wake up and face it with all that I have in me, or let it pass me by.

At this stage in time, I want to wake up and face it.

Let’s be real for a second. How many of us have seen the media outlets posting about the increase in depression, suicide, and other unfortunate dealings of the life of the typical person? * Raises hand* I have! I have seen the increase in rate of these phenomenon as well as the increased media coverage on issues such as stresses of life. Despite how many different people there are in the world. There are a few things we all have in common.

ONE of those commonalities is a little emotion described as pain.

Pain itself can be physical and emotional and affects us all differently. Due to its variance in effects we all react differently to painful stimuli due to numerous causes.

I am here to tell you that THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH YOU, IF YOU FEEL PAIN!

We all will feel it at some point due to various circumstances. Luckily, as a pretty advanced species we have come up with some very interesting ways to cope with pain (for better or worse) and these various coping mechanism just show one thing about us all. We are all capable beings and some awesome badass people.

I say all of this to get my point across. For anyone who is contemplating suicide, self-harm, or any other form of self-inflicted abuse because you are hurting. PLEASE DON’T GO THROUGH WITH IT. A permanent solution to a temporary problem will rob you of the roller coaster experience that is life as well as others who will experience you. There are people you have yet to meet that you will bless just by being yourself-embrace it. love it. Bask in all that is you and learn to drink of your own essence as nourishment.

Best in Love.

Home

1-800-273-8255 CHAT WITH LIFELINE

Failure

Definition of failure

1a: omission of occurrence or performance specifically: a failing to perform a duty or expected action failure to pay the rent on time

b(1): a state of inability to perform a normal function kidney failure — compare heart failure

(2): an abrupt cessation of normal functioning a power failure – Webster’s Dictionary

These are the top 3 definitions listed for the word FAILURE with examples listed.

Failing is an event we will all experience no matter what color, creed, gender, or size. The feeling of failing is painful. It is heavy with the weight of cultural upbringing, expectation, idealization and so much more.

I myself, have failed quite a few times, in a quite a few ways- big and small. I have failed in the face of other people’s expectations, as well as my own. I have failed after hard work and I have failed after no work.

” To fail is to be a failure. You never worked hard enough. You will always be a failure. “

These were the just some of the words I told myself, and sometimes continue to tell myself when I have failed to accomplish a goal or meet an expectation. Just recently, I began to negatively speak to myself due to not meeting a specific goal. Despite my hard work, fatigue and extreme burnout bested me. I wallowed in my hurt, I shed a lot of tears, I even wondered why I even tried. However, I have made the decision to learn from my failures. Despite, feeling so terribly about my failures I am actively fighting against my negative self-talk and negative thoughts to push through my pain when I fail. Instead of failing backward, I want to fail forward. I want to learn from my failures and embrace them as the lessons and re-directions they are meant to be.

So I leave with this.

If you feel like a failure, remember that failure is just God’s way of redirecting you and/or teaching you to be the best version of yourself that you can be.

Best in Love.

No comments to show.